I'm proud of me today. In spite of a pile of "valid" excuses, I went to the gym anyway. I could have said, "It's snowing and I should get home in case the roads or slick." Or I could have gone with, "I have to be in to work early tonight, so I need to get home and get to sleep." Instead, I went with "Go anyway." I'm glad I did. I got to watch the snow fall for a little while. Over the course of my hour, I watched the snow stop. I ran the fat burn program on the elliptical, which requires maintaining a lower heart rate than I usually have. That in and of itself was a challenge. The machine actually cut off once while I was trying to keep my heart rate at 130. I take this as a sign I need to stick with cardio for now. Clearly I still have a long way to go before my heart is where it needs to be.
I just really thought about that last sentence. It's scary. When I think about the consequences of my obesity, on a personal level anyway, I never consider my heart. I think about wearing ugly clothes or being relegated to stretchy pants. I think about how I don't really fit in chairs with arms on them. I think about all the things that are, in the grand scheme, totally trivial. I never once gave a thought to what may be the most important organ in my body. I never realized, previous to this, how badly I was abusing it. Nor did it register how dangerous that abuse was.