Thursday, September 15, 2011
I'm alive!!! I know I haven't really been good about the blogging thing, but I've had so many people ask me about my progress that I felt the need to write, to share, to update. First thing first, August in review. I began August at 277 and ended August at 277. Seriously, it was a total wash. I tried a lot of things; I felt like I was bouncing around trying to regain my equilibrium. I'll be honest. There was more than a hint of desperation in my actions. It wasn't so much that I was desperate to meet my goals, but more that I was desperate to see ANY progress whatsoever. I cannot describe how disheartening it is to be working so hard for no reward. That disappointment gets compounded when, out of a seething frustration or an enveloping despair or both, I snap back in the other direction and deliberately do something counterproductive. Think along the lines of downing two double bacon cheeseburgers. Yeah, I did that. I even acknowledged to myself that I shouldn't have given into the urge to indulge. I acknowledged when I made the decision to go get them, I acknowledged in the car, I acknowledged in the drive-through, I acknowledged as I stuffed my face. But then, acknowledgement has never been my problem. As September commenced, and with it came the realization that all my running around in circles netted no gain, I calmed down and took a few mental deep breaths. Honestly, I'm not sure what switch flipped in my head, but there's definitely a change in my perspective. I've returned to my workout routine, allowing no excuses. For the first time I've been going to the gym even after working overtime. Generally I consider it an either/or choice, but I've decided to allow for no interruptions. I've made my own meals this week and hidden my "fun money" card in an effort, that so far and with minimal exception has been working, to minimize my compulsive food purchases. Lo and behold, I'm finally seeing some downward motion on my scale. Eating right and exercising; turns out it works. Go figure. I have to say, I was getting concerned. Although, I'm not one of those to make excuses, I had considered getting my thyroid tested. It seemed to me that I was doing a lot of work to be seeing no results. Looking back, I was doing a lot of work, but I was also using that work to justify poor decisions. Thus the lack of progress. Hindsight, so they say, is 20/20. I've somewhat resumed my food journalism, although I'm still not nearly as consistent with it as I was in the beginning. It's on my list of things to improve, a list which seems to get longer by the day. For now, however, I'm concentrating on taking things a day at a time, managing my meals, and keeping my exercise schedule consistent. Here goes nothing!