Monday, March 14, 2011
Salad is for Suckers
So there seems to be this idea that in order to lead a healthy lifestyle, maintain a healthy weight, and proudly boast of a healthy diet you must eat salad. I say nay. I've never liked salad. I feel vaguely like a ruminant when chomping on raw lettuce and various other veggies. In fact, by the time I like salad, you know after adding all the meat and egg and cheese and fatty fatty dressing, it's no longer healthy. Salad sucks. I have serious doubts as to the trustworthiness of anyone who claims to love it. It could just be me, but it seems that liking salad is a lie we tell ourselves to make the fact that we have to eat it for the so-and-so-whatever-weight-loss-regimen bearable. The reason I'm ranting about salad is because of a conversation that a friend and I had yesterday. It pissed me off and since I'm still thinking about it I figured I'd write about it. He has decided to eat healthier. Yay him. He was telling me how good he was doing with his diet and mentioned with this tiny hint of smug superiority that he's been eating salad as a meal replacement every day. At this point I told him bluntly that I hate salad and haven't had a single one all year, even on vegetarian days. For a time the salad conversation was over. Then he mentioned wanting cookies. Apparently the quarter cookie he had as a sample sparked a need for more sugar. I understand, having just battled with my sugar craving not so long ago. I suggested he eat a piece of fruit instead at which point he turns his head and says "yeah, well, you need to eat a salad." THAT was the part that pissed me off. For one thing, I was genuinely suggesting a healthy alternative to a cookie binge. For another, I've successfully lost 27 pounds and counting without a single salad in sight. Nobody needs salad. Screw salad. I resent being considered less dedicated because I refuse to eat them. And I will continue to refuse to eat them. I'm down to 288, so clearly the veggies I am eating are serving me just fine WITHOUT reminding me of cattle.