Friday, August 5, 2011
July In Summary
Ugh. Okay, here goes. I began July at 280 and ended at 277. It's progress, yes, but I spent a lot of time fighting myself this month. I really stood in my own way. My disappointment over the total lack of success from last month led me to an "I-just-don't-care-anymore" kind of place. There is a saboteur in my home and she is me. I have to give her credit. She's sneaky. Imminently persuasive and wielding what seems on the face of it irrefutable logic, I have managed to talk myself out of behaviors I know positively propel me toward my goal and I have, likewise, talked myself into nonproductive behaviors. And I won't lie, at the root of it all was a feeling that nothing I did mattered anyway. My lack of progress has definitely made me despondent. But I have decided to brush it off. I'm headed back to basics. You may remember a while ago I mentioned that I had not been writing in my food journal and was going to restart that practice. Well I didn't. I think the accountability that provided for me is a piece that has been seriously lacking from this puzzle. So today I began again. I even put it in a nifty looking journal instead of a spiral notebook. This time I am determined to keep it up. I also really need to put the brakes on the whole eating out thing. I've done it far too often lately, for sure more than the once a week I've told myself I'm allowed. I'm weak, and I want to be social with people...which usually involves mealtime somewhere. But I resolve to work my willpower muscle a little more often. I've been pep talking myself in the mirror. Aside from feeling a little nuts, I don't know if that's working at all yet. I feel great for a few hours after, chalk full of resolve, but that feeling wears off fairly quickly and I'm left with the same soft spots I've always had trouble guarding against.