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Welcome to my blog. The purpose here is simple: to chronicle my thoughts, actions, plans, and goals in getting healthy in the year 2012. Feel free to look around and offer encouragement or suggestions.

Monday, April 18, 2011

What I Don't Want

SO I go to Planet Fitness, which is supposed to be the judgement free zone, but sometimes I can't help it. Today was one of those days. I was working on my legs back on the weight machines when this woman walked by who, honest to goodness looked like a man in drag. It wasn't that her face was particularly masculine...but her body was. I didn't really help that she also was way too tan...you know the kind that makes your skin look like wrinkled leather...and her hair was 1985 bleach blonde. The whole look was unfortunate. Before I could stop myself I thought, "I hope I never ever look like that." Then I felt bad, you know, for judging. The thing is I've always had this fear of looking masculine. When I was a kid and my mom made me get my hair cut really short (in a super cute style I was too young and impatient to maintain) I cried because I thought I looked like a boy. Yes, even with my super big boobs I still have this fear to this very day. It is a big part of the reason I have, until now, avoided weight lifting of any kind. In my mind weights cause big muscles. Big muscles are for boys. I even had the thought today as I was trying to figure out how heavy I wanted to set the machines that I'd rather go too light and get less of a workout than go too heavy and get bulky. I guess I worry that I won't know when enough is enough...particularly since I can't see any muscle development because I'm still too fat to see changes in muscle tone. I actually had a nightmare that I was looking in a mirror and my fat melted off of me and I had a man's body underneath (with boobs). It was scary. Maybe I can ease my mind with a little more research on weights and women. There has to be some out there somewhere.

It never helps that when I'm back in the weights area, which I can admit to being fairly intimidated by, there are some men that tend to look at the women like the creature feature on Animal Planet. It's like the thought that a woman might want to improve her muscle tone never occurred to them. Depending on what you do, you may get looked at like you have three heads. A woman on the adductor machines (the thigh squeezy ones) doesn't get a second glance. A woman on the fly machine...what? When did they let women on those? Working on abs? No problem. Triceps, though will get you a double take. I'd find it funny if it wasn't so irritating.

On a positive note I finally saw a change on the scale after almost a month of no difference. I weighed 284 Sunday morning! Hopefully with my plan to be very conscious of my eating habits this week I can continue the trend. I think it's safe to say I probably won't hit my 10 pound goal for this month, being as I didn't see any change for half the month, but I'll take any progress I can get. I worked really hard today. I pushed myself to do an entire extra set of reps at the gym, I worked out at a steady and challenging pace on the Arc Trainers, then I came home and really pushed with my TurboFire workout. I feel like I hit a new level of effort, at least with that particular video. Overall, today, I'm very satisfied with my workout. And now I need some sleep because I wore myself out.

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